Play Time

Today the class was able to conduct a session using Sand Tray Therapy. Basically, a tray of sand (hence Sand Tray) is placed in the middle of the table and the therapists instructs the client to grab an assortment of toys ranging from animals, vehicles and humans. Once the toys are selected, the individual is instructed to position the figures in the sand to create a specific scene. The client is then asked to describe their scene while the therapists makes interpretive/inferences about size, shape, position, appearance of each figure.

I actually enjoyed this model and it helped me process my current state. I picked the following figures: fences, a boy, a girl, an army man, a triceratops, a backpack, sleeping bag, and globe. Without going into where I placed each object I realized that each figure held a significant place in my new found life. I discovered that despite being out of work, I still felt trapped by school, responsibilities, and future plans. I used the fences to surround me, the boy, as I sat in the back farthest away from the opening in front of me. The globe was placed in front of the fences opening with me staring at it. I realized that despite being free from the shackles of work, I was still cautious of exploring the world. I described the scene as, 

"Even as I make my way to the opening where the opportunity to travel awaits, my peripheral still catch glimpses of the fences which keep me from wandering off".

I realized that what holds me back is responsibility to myself. As long as I have school and bills to pay I don't know if I will ever feel free. I ask myself if it is ever possible to live so freely? That is something I cannot answer yet. At a young age the desire to be someplace new & unknown has remained in me. I am not sure when I will be able to pack up and go. Maybe old age will serve as a cure...

"I know that starting over is not what life's about. But my thoughts were so loud I couldn't here my mouth".

-FB

A Guilty Pleasure

So I have been listening to a lot of Passion Pit. As Laura said " It's a mix between The Postal Service and The Velvet Teen". Couldn't have described it better! You be the judge.

Laura was up in Mammoth and I was lonely the moment I saw her off on Friday. Sometimes these breaks really make me think of how much I love this young lady. I originally had all these crazy plans like leaving the county and going up north to SF but in the end I couldn't manage to do it. I believe I make big plans to travel but in the end I never do it. The open road is enticing to those that wish to escape life and I am always trying to escape my life. I don't want to face the boring reality of work and school while balancing a social life. This weekend alone allowed me to test what life would be like if I dropped everything and disappeared into the vast land that is America. I realized I would be lonely. I have noticed that when I was younger I used to enjoy being alone and that is not the case anymore. I hate going out alone! I feel lost. I dreaded shopping because Laura is always my company. Who would pick out last minute snacks or stop and look at Twilight/Teeny Bopper magazines? Have I finally realized a fraction of what life is, that human beings need one another to draw out love, creativity, and passion? I say YES! It is the journey of the soul to seek out another that makes him feel alive. The open road can wait while the soul journeys first.

On another note, Have you heard the song No You Girls by Franz Ferdinand? When I saw the video I immediately thought how corny the lyrics were yet it was my "guilty pleasure" (especially at 1:26) I don't think Franz will ever match their S/T but this comes close.

-FB

My Girls

There has been a lot on my mind lately but I will save most of that for another day. 

I have been reconnecting with all my past hobbies which has been great! I am completing songs I was learning before and I even found my sketchbook! All I need now is something to draw. I have also found music more pleasurable. One album that has held my interest is Animal Collectives, Merriweather Post Pavilion. 

Check it out if you have the chance :)

"I don't care for fancy things or to take part in a precious race".

-FB

The Earth Is Not A Cold Dead Place

So I renamed my blog to The Earth Is Not A Cold Dead Place. This is the title of one of my favorite albums by Explosions In The Sky. I know it sounds cliche but the title really resonates with me. Though I often despise the society we live in good things still exists. Even when there are bad events the earth still exists. I suppose in all love & hate, peace & war there exists life, even if it is being taken. The truth is,  something is always happening to us or around us that influences what we are presently doing or what will be done in the future. It is a comforting thought when I think about it... life is not stagnant but ever-changing and in a changing the  world, we are given the opportunity to make change in ourselves.

I need to make a lot of change in my life right now. I need to take care of myself before I lose interest in everything. This brings me to my current situation. It has been one week since I have been unemployed and it has been great! Not having to report to anyone is a fantastic! Today I sent a resume/cover letter to a new job opportunity. WHY! I want so badly to give myself two months of "recovery" and then I make attempts to return to the mundane woes of an office dwelling. Do I have something to prove to myself? Must I have a job? Must I compete with peers? Must I maintain the status quo? I am also looking for practicum sites for the fall. Yesterday I attended the Practicum Fair and submitted five resumes. Although I made a good impression I still felt that I was falling back into old routines. This week has already been stressful and I want time to myself yet I continue to increase the level of responsibility . I never realized I had such high expectations of myself. 

This song inspires me to relax :)

"There must be something in you, turning boys to men and back again"

Reflection

When I decided to come back and make another attempt at displaying my life on a blog I almost thought of deleting my first entry. After reading it I felt ashamed of the words I said and felt that those words did not reflect who I am now. I decided to leave it though. Why erase previous memories, emotions, feelings...they existed at one point.

So I decided to start this blog to document the recent changes in my life. After being laid off in January I scrambled to find work. I took the first job that made an offer. To make a long story short, I felt unhappy. I accepted the job to compensate for my image. I HAD to be employed, I HAD to maintain the status quo of "being responsible and being productive". It took only one month for me to admit defeat and quit. It felt great!

Today begins day two of unemployment. Unemployed not as a result of our faltering economy but by choice. It sounds crazy but hell, I am feeling courageous enough to be this crazy. I don't know what I will do for money but I am not worrying now. My rent is the cheapest it has ever been, I have loans to complete grad school, and I have the support of family and friends. The camera is charging right now, the tires on my bike are full and out of this small studio exists a world I have neglected the past five years.

-Frank