Loneliness

So I am up late, but not as late as I usually am. What is on my mind, what am I trying to avoid? Well, for starters there is a lot on my mind. A lot about you and I avoided writing this a long time ago because I thought you might read this but by not writing it I avoided being present with this uncomfortable feeling. The truth is there are moments that creep up on me without any pictures or objects that remind me of you. It is weird, sometimes I am sitting ,eating, reading when I enter some trance where all I can think of is you. I sit with it, I dwell on it, I want to tell someone close to me that I miss you still but I don't out of pride, embarrassment, guilt. So I suppose I am telling the whole internet world now what I feel, from 0 to 60 that's how I roll.

I'm thinking about her and all the ways I have tugged her back and forth out of confusion, loneliness, lust, happiness and curiosity. I still have no idea what you are to me. Why am I so concerned with this presently? To be loved, to be wanted, to be happy. These answers are not found anywhere in life, not in drink, not in sex, not in solidarity but they are held inside me, waiting to be faced, waiting to be changed.

So when all worldly, materialistic items fail, when your money fails, when love fails I always have myself and my feelings. I will sit with you day by day, I am my number one priority. And with that I let go...