I have some pictures on my wall of memory
They are pictures of baby faces my boys and girls dear to me
They are no longer children but grown ups in the world
Yet I live again in my memories with my little boys and girls
Beautiful, beautiful pictures hanging on memory wall
They tell of hours spent together in happy days beyond recall
We knew no heartache or sorrows when they played around my knee
So I thank God for the blessings of my pile of memories
"I don't let my age restrict me from what I can or cannot do.
Just because I am old does not mean I want or should be sleeping or staying inside.
I let my body determine what I can or cannot do.".
-G. Diaz
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
Restart
See me at my desk, rested and well dressed
Always there on time
Funny how the clock that I used to watch
Now never seems to mind
Tried hard to collect interest and respect
By cutting out some things I thought didn't matter
Turned all of my whines into "doing fines"
It saves me so much time
I'm stuck in a square, becoming one too
Three stories above I hear there's a view
Long way to the ground
But I'll probably stick around
Now I've got a view
Miles to the ocean
But I can't see you and maintain devotion
I wish i could say, "i'll be there"
And slowly the stories start to unbind
And tell me the years spent never were mine
I'm always to owe a debt to my heart
Unless I can find a way to restart and take control
Slowly the edge gets closer to you
You've got the most space with the greatest of views
You've paid off the debt you owe to your heart
You've paid off the debt, now go and restart
Always there on time
Funny how the clock that I used to watch
Now never seems to mind
Tried hard to collect interest and respect
By cutting out some things I thought didn't matter
Turned all of my whines into "doing fines"
It saves me so much time
I'm stuck in a square, becoming one too
Three stories above I hear there's a view
Long way to the ground
But I'll probably stick around
Now I've got a view
Miles to the ocean
But I can't see you and maintain devotion
I wish i could say, "i'll be there"
And slowly the stories start to unbind
And tell me the years spent never were mine
I'm always to owe a debt to my heart
Unless I can find a way to restart and take control
Slowly the edge gets closer to you
You've got the most space with the greatest of views
You've paid off the debt you owe to your heart
You've paid off the debt, now go and restart
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Straight Streets
The city closes in on him now.
It was all bricks and concrete, pure forms of substance, clearly and openly, he might survive.
It is the little, pathetic attempts at quality that kill.
The plaster false fireplace in the apartment, shaped and waiting to contain a flame that can never exist.
Or the hedge in front of the apartment building with a few square feet of grass behind it.
A few square feet of grass behind it, after Montana.
If they just left out the hedge and grass it would be al right.
Now it only serves only to draw attention to what has been lost.
Along the streets that lead away from the apartment he can never see anything throughout the concrete and brick and neon but he knows that buried within it are grotesque, twisted souls forever trying the manners that will convince themselves they posses quality, learning strange poses of style and glamour vended by dream magazines and other mass media, and paid for by the vendors of substance.
He thinks of them at night alone with their advertised glamorous shoes and stockings and underclothes off, staring through the sooty windows at the grotesque shells revealed beyond them, when the poses weaken and the truth creeps in, the only truth that exists here, crying to heaven, God, there is nothing here but dead neon and cement and brick.
It was all bricks and concrete, pure forms of substance, clearly and openly, he might survive.
It is the little, pathetic attempts at quality that kill.
The plaster false fireplace in the apartment, shaped and waiting to contain a flame that can never exist.
Or the hedge in front of the apartment building with a few square feet of grass behind it.
A few square feet of grass behind it, after Montana.
If they just left out the hedge and grass it would be al right.
Now it only serves only to draw attention to what has been lost.
Along the streets that lead away from the apartment he can never see anything throughout the concrete and brick and neon but he knows that buried within it are grotesque, twisted souls forever trying the manners that will convince themselves they posses quality, learning strange poses of style and glamour vended by dream magazines and other mass media, and paid for by the vendors of substance.
He thinks of them at night alone with their advertised glamorous shoes and stockings and underclothes off, staring through the sooty windows at the grotesque shells revealed beyond them, when the poses weaken and the truth creeps in, the only truth that exists here, crying to heaven, God, there is nothing here but dead neon and cement and brick.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Friday, August 20, 2010
Tamalpais
The thing to do when working on a task, is to cultivate the peace of mind which does not separate one's self from one's surroundings.
When that is done successfully then everything else follows naturally.
Peace of mind produces right values, right values produce right thoughts.
Right thoughts produce right actions and right actions produce work which will be a material reflection for others to see of the serenity at the center of it all.
Social values are only right only if the individual values are right.
The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands, and then work outward from there.
When that is done successfully then everything else follows naturally.
Peace of mind produces right values, right values produce right thoughts.
Right thoughts produce right actions and right actions produce work which will be a material reflection for others to see of the serenity at the center of it all.
Social values are only right only if the individual values are right.
The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands, and then work outward from there.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Moving Mountains
Mountains should be climbed with as little effort as possible and without desire.
The reality of your own nature should determine the speed.
If you become restless, speed up.
If you become winded, slow down.
You climb the mountain in an equilibrium between restlessness and exhaustion.
Then, when you're no longer thinking ahead, each footstep isn't just a means to an end but a unique event in itself.
This leaf has jagged edges.
This rock looks loose.
From this place the snow is less visible, even though closer.
These are things you should notice anyway.
To live only for some future goal is shallow.
It's the side of the mountains which sustain life, not the top.
Here is where things grow.
The reality of your own nature should determine the speed.
If you become restless, speed up.
If you become winded, slow down.
You climb the mountain in an equilibrium between restlessness and exhaustion.
Then, when you're no longer thinking ahead, each footstep isn't just a means to an end but a unique event in itself.
This leaf has jagged edges.
This rock looks loose.
From this place the snow is less visible, even though closer.
These are things you should notice anyway.
To live only for some future goal is shallow.
It's the side of the mountains which sustain life, not the top.
Here is where things grow.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Subterranean Homesick Blues
As emptiness fills your heart you find the need to fill up that void with something tangible. You can't put a price on loneliness but we try. Televisions, clothing, drinks, night clubs, and amusements parks are intended to distract and distract well they do. Music is such a present force in my life. I always have a tune playing in my head and as I have noticed recently, always at the "right" moments. Right being defined as the moments when I feel most alone and most vulnerable...there is that tune again, drowning out the hollowness, the emptiness inside my stomach. You know the one that feels like it slowly explodes in your chest?
People have asked me after reading these entires if I am alright, if I am going through a tough time and I reply "not necessarily". These are all but thoughts that pop in my head and I happen to be near my computer usually browsing clothing sites, social networks, perusing my email account a billion times over in hopes of finding something worth my time. Something at least to distract momentarily but distracting is not always a bad thing right? I believe that sometimes we have to distract ourselves to function in the world. We can only sit with so much discomfort before looking for something to keep us busy. So the items we use to distract ourselves from real feelings and happiness can be beneficial to an extent. The problem I see is that we so often get caught up in a race to have new things and be where things are "happening". To rub elbows with those we long to be, though we often deny it, it is a way to cope with our need to connect with others we believe to be happy and successful.
People have asked me after reading these entires if I am alright, if I am going through a tough time and I reply "not necessarily". These are all but thoughts that pop in my head and I happen to be near my computer usually browsing clothing sites, social networks, perusing my email account a billion times over in hopes of finding something worth my time. Something at least to distract momentarily but distracting is not always a bad thing right? I believe that sometimes we have to distract ourselves to function in the world. We can only sit with so much discomfort before looking for something to keep us busy. So the items we use to distract ourselves from real feelings and happiness can be beneficial to an extent. The problem I see is that we so often get caught up in a race to have new things and be where things are "happening". To rub elbows with those we long to be, though we often deny it, it is a way to cope with our need to connect with others we believe to be happy and successful.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
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