Touch

I had a thought this afternoon about touch and how sometimes I can remember certain sensations over another. Why is my memory so selective when remembering how it felt to hold or to be held. Being completely naked with someone whom a deep love was shared may not be remembered compared to someone you may have hugged for seconds yet their sweet scent stimulated your senses and drove you wild. These memories are the hardest to let go. Is sensation and the ability to recollect linked with desire or love? If I cannot remember lips I grew accustomed to for over 1 year does that mean passion was lacking? This has begun to weigh heavy on my mind. It never dawned on me until recently as I was sorting through pictures of beautiful women I knew from a few hours to well over a year. Some I shared intimate experiences with and others a simple hug. What does it mean? Perhaps I will never know yet something tells me that to remember touch means that something special existed for that fleeting moment or at a time when I thought I possessed enough love for all eternity.

"We are most alive when we are in love"

-Updike

The Open Road Redux

There was a tightness to lives that loosened out on the road and let people drift where they would.

La Misma Luna

I rode to Huntington Beach today. It was the first time seeing, lest setting foot on California sand in over a month.The recent storms have passed opening up the sky again revealing it's naked blue skin. Sitting at the beach wishing I had brought my camera to capture this image. The sun was splitting the clouds apart with rays of gold striking down and reflecting back off the Pacific upwards to the clouds underbellies making them glow a subtle pink. So why no camera? Isn't it moments like these that we long for on the open road, in unexplored towns? Why not here? Home: we take it for granted. In it's mundane routines we see familiar homes, neighborhoods, parks, and other natural acts of beauty but the novelty has worn off and there is no longer any beauty left to capture. I see it clearer now. Beauty is blossoming everywhere in both old and new worlds.

I just felt the warm California sun cascade across my face but this sun that shines is shining on millions at this very moment. Permanency: Just because the clouds still hide the peaks of Catalina doesn't mean that their beauty is not seen from someone else's point point of view

-FB

Locks of Love Pt. X

A bit of a delay on getting this posted but the madness continues

October 2010

I Lost The Will To Fight

Though I have known you for just a little while
I feel I've worn my welcome.
I must be moving on.
For my intentions were good intentions
I could have loved you
I could have changed you
I'm sorry if I seem self-effacing
consumed by selfish thoughts
It's only that I still love you deeply
It's all the love I got

I Walked

On some Sufjan kick :)

Lover, will you look at me now?
I'm already dead to you
but I'm inclined to explain
to you what I could not before
Whatever you didn't do, what you couldn't say
I am sorry that the worst has arrived
For I deserve more.
for at least I deserve the respect of a kiss goodbye

Tell me, do you think of me now
as I think of you?
For I could not have shaken the touch of your breath on my arm
For it has stayed in me as an epithet
I am sorry the worst has arrived
For I'm on the floor
In the room where we made it our last touch of the night

I walked, cause you walked
but I won't probably get very far
sensation to what you said
but I'm not about to expect something more
I would not have run off
but I couldn't bear that it's me
It's my fault
I should not be so lost
but I've got nothing left to love

Lover, will you look from me now
I'm already dead
but I've come to explain
why I left such a mess on the floor
For when you went away
I went crazy. I was wild with the breast of a dog
I ran through the night
with the knife in my chest
with the lust of your loveless life

I walked, cause you walked
but I won't probably get very far
sensation to what you said
but I'm not about to expect something more
I would not have run off
But I couldn't bear that it's me
It's my fault
I should not be so lost
But I've got nothing left to love

I walked, cause you walked

Now That I'm Older

It's different now I think
I wasn't older yet
I wasn't wise, I guess
Somewhere I lost whatever else I had
I wasn't over you
I see it run inside itself
And then I called you out
I'm not such older than I was
I'm feeling so much righter now
And then I woke myself, confused
Your dress comes down
To you, don't get it wrong, don't get excited
I wanted so much to be at rest
Now that I'm older
So be it so of love

The silent man comes down
All dressed in radiant colors
You see it for yourself
To demonstrate my love for you
I thought I was so in love
Some say it wasn't true
Now that I'm older

There's so much travel
And now that I'm older
Someone else, can see it for myself
So much travel, yeah
Now that I'm older